A year has passed and I am still having a love-hate journey. Will it ever cease? Will the system ever change? Will I grow complacent and comfortable with it until it numbs me when incompetency of my surroundings kick in?
Damn I hate all these ponderings because I know it may be partially true if I allow it to happen. :O
But really, do you think there is no point fighting the system because it's a losing battle? even if one resists it, will it make one miserable?
This is so because the system is so autocratic that it cannot be questioned. Maybe many question behind the curtains but you can't do it upfront or else... Very simple; the inefficiency of the system affects its workers' output and time is very much wasted doing mindless protocols that could be done away with.
Alas, I should then know what I'm getting myself into when I agreed to this. But back to my question; if I resist 'it', seeing that it's immovable and very unlikely to change, will I be miserable for the next 30 years? Or do I allow myself to succumb to its complacency and thus be complacent together? What does it mean to be called to where I am but to do my best when everything around me is going against me?
I hate how it's so damn autocratic!!! And I hate the struggle because why? it's uncomfortable and it tugs at my heartstrings. God, please send some winds of change to shake this autocracy and wake everyone from their slumber. Break the stubborn autocratic ties and bring in new management, new blood, and especially an organization that has brains to run the system. Please help me persevere to not be like everyone else, but to stamp my existence that reflect Your glory in wherever I am called to go.
Berani kerana benar.