Wednesday, March 28, 2018

why hello there... I havent been updating in a while. How am I? Hmm.. tired. 

In an organization there is bound to have a few weird people who are either too selfish, too proud, too lazy, too entitled blabla.... and that doesn't exclude people in church too. Where I am now at this age, I'm starting to see more and more layers being peeled off from the people I thought I knew... 

So what gives? Do I stop mingling with them? It depends. But it fuels me to never have the same characteristics that they have. To be less proud, less entitled, to think before speaking. By the way, thinking before speaking is becoming extinct. Nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Just my two cents from my reflection.

Also on hindsight, teachers are one of the most underappreciated lot ever. Really. So much we do that goes unseen. Worst is when students dont appreciate or when parents and society think we're not doin anything. we are, but the ones not doing are the lazy ones. or the many bad apples that took the spotlight lately. Too many!!!! So embarrassing. I still have my no.1 pet peeve of too many nonsense protocols and rules and pointless paper printing nobody gives a hoot for.

Makes one think is it worth sacrificing so much at the end of the day then? 

Saturday, January 13, 2018

A year has passed and I am still having a love-hate journey. Will it ever cease? Will the system ever change? Will I grow complacent and comfortable with it until it numbs me when incompetency of my surroundings kick in? 

Damn I hate all these ponderings because I know it may be partially true if I allow it to happen. :O 
But really, do you think there is no point fighting the system because it's a losing battle? even if one resists it, will it make one miserable? 

This is so because the system is so autocratic that it cannot be questioned. Maybe many question behind the curtains but you can't do it upfront or else... Very simple; the inefficiency of the system affects its workers' output and time is very much wasted doing mindless protocols that could be done away with.

Alas, I should then know what I'm getting myself into when I agreed to this. But back to my question; if I resist 'it', seeing that it's immovable and very unlikely to change, will I be miserable for the next 30 years? Or do I allow myself to succumb to its complacency and thus be complacent together? What does it mean to be called to where I am but to do my best when everything around me is going against me? 

I hate how it's so damn autocratic!!! And I hate the struggle because why? it's uncomfortable and it tugs at my heartstrings. God, please send some winds of change to shake this autocracy and wake everyone from their slumber. Break the stubborn autocratic ties and bring in new management, new blood, and especially an organization that has brains to run the system. Please help me persevere to not be like everyone else, but to stamp my existence that reflect Your glory in wherever I am called to go. 

Berani kerana benar. 

Friday, December 01, 2017

Justice League!

I don't know why but I like writing my reviews on movies I've just watched. I guess it's something I could look back at. I caught Justice League today and I liked it! It was more like a reunion of superheroes, especially with the Man of Steel himself. (My fave character).

I love the humane and emotional feel when Clark took Lois Lane back to his home. It was, for me, the highlight of the movie haha. I'm a sentimental person. I love the discussion as well between Wonder Woman and Bruce, when all of them were at Bruce's cave. Some raw emotion there, bringing up the past. Gah. And I enjoyed the short scenes with the Amazon warriors. Too cool.

Overall, 8/10. Just didn't like the lame villain and the lameness of his death. :/ I suppose budgets are tight now. 

Can't wait for more superhero bazingas!

Thursday, November 30, 2017

what time is it?
Holiday time! (but have to finish up some writing) 

oh well, nonetheless holiday mood - on! 

Not sorry to those who don't have 1 month hols (hehehe rubbing it in)

Thursday, November 02, 2017


what is the purpose of your job? money? obligation? self-growth? to see your students learn something? 

or none at all...

i feel like i want to mengumpat but my wisdom tells me it's not the best thing to do, unless I want to be foolish and throw my opportunity out the window.

i shall save this for another time, perhaps 34 years later when i retire....

or i should go rogue (hehe) 

but seriously; who agrees with me that it needs a BIG change???? Like, a freaking REVIVAL?? 

Am i the only one feeling jaded? Sigh. 

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Shit and others (teehee)

Hello hello... long time no see! i dont know if anyone still reads my blog haha. Much has been going on lately.... i don't even know where to begin. so what have i been up to lately? 

1) speaking in BM is my weekday language; it's hard to express my thoughts in a language i'm not good in, but i suppose my BM is improving. Means I need to keep my BI alive as well. When i get to speak BI in school, it's a RELIEF :D like the floodgates burst wide open 

2) it's almost the end of school term but I find that I have more work to do! I think because of procrastination and all the nonsensical paperwork and data key in we need to do. Seriously, i hate the system and I know we can do away with A LOT of useless keying in stuff and paperwork and protocol which would make the workforce A LOT MORE EFFECTIVE. there i said it. Berani kerana benar

3) Healthy eating and exercise. Yup. me of all people! I can't believe it too. I used to swear by mcds and fries and icecream for as long as I can remember, but lately those are out the door, and in with the salad loading, no supper daily (but occasionally fail), jogging, planking etc... what the! And to be honest, it's one of the best moments in my life! I feel energized, fresh, mentally clean after a good jog/run/plank. And my mobility and stamina has improved. Need to work on strength training and lose some fats of course haha. But all in all, one of the best decisions i have made in my life.

5) i am so busy - so many things to do: PAJSK shit, marking, ad-hoc AJK for events in school, collecting $, dealing with people who don't deserve my kindness but do it anyway because I'm there for a reason and I am reminded to have grace in speech and actions, christmas choir preparations (huge one this year), wedding pianist duties, mini concert duty in Nov, thesis and shitload of journal reading and data analysis. No censoring of the word shit anymore because i dun care liao. What the..............

 but my brother gave me a solid advice: You are still young, take whatever comes your way and LEARN from it. Now is the age to have losta work, to have stress, to learn how to deal with different people with different characteristics, to learn how to freakin MANAGE everything. If not now, then when?

I will and can do it. I know I can. I just need to rely on God and to be hardworking. 

Cheers to the ending of the year. (Reminds me of a Harry Potter phrase: I open at the close. Haha. Always a HP fan)