and so i'm at this point in life where i need to surround myself with intellectuals and people who can inspire me, thanks to my bro and dad. They keep telling me to mix with people of different perspectives other than my usual circle of friends in order to give me another perspective in life. Dad says I can't keep mixing with the same people with the same mindset as me or else I won't learn anything from them. instead, they are the ones who learnt stuff from me (or so my dad says). And to be honest, he's quite right. Sometimes I feel stagnant in some of my current social circles where I'm not learning anything. All we do is empty talk which is fun and entertaining, but...where's the growth in that?

Nonetheless i'm thankful that my bro/mum+dad are there to equip me with useful knowledge and they're ppl I can discuss world issues with. (more like asking him questions haha). They're the ones i turn to if i need to know more about, say, the happenings in israel and gaza, the tension between russia and ukraine etc. and  also some of my church friends too who're older than me whom I look up to and how they deal with problems/situations in life with diplomacy. :D

So... yeah. Do you think you're gaining anything in your circle of friends? Or do you need to break out from your usual circle? Food for thought. Definitely something that I will ponder on as my last year in uni approaches.

p.s.: school hols is ending. time to face reality once again. 20days left and.. sayonara!

6 weeks of learning

It's the holiday season now!! YAY!!! :D So happy the 1 week hol has arrived. It was just 5 weeks ago when Pearl and I were saying 'very fast wan the hols come' and wham! it's here :) Can't believe 5 weeks of teaching passed already. And left only 15days/3 weeks until I bid my students farewell. :( Feeling happy but sad too.

I get defensive if any teacher says my f4 students are naughty/dumb/not smart/not worthy of studying. Before judging them we should look at their family backgrounds and what was it like at home for them. A lot of BB boys came from broken families or shelter homes and to me, it was a very sad eye-opener where the difficult stuff of reality sinks in. A friend I recently spoke to told me that despite it being a school that needs enforcement in discipline, it is a school that has a Heart in d middle of it compared to other good schools. This is where the teachers are tested to reach out to the students to touch and mend broken lives and hopefully, to make a difference.

My heart goes out to the students who lack care and love at home. It is very heart-breaking indeed. Now as I reflect back, it's a blessing in disguise to be sent to BB because the students themselves have taught me to open my heart to accept and love the unloved, to throw out my judgemental mindset and to be patient. My hardened heart to teach right from Year 1 itself is starting to have cracks. Hmm but maybe not so much of joining the teaching force under the education ministry but more of interaction, understanding and getting to know these unique students that need help. 

It's amazing how God can move my hardened heart and perspective.

Should I teach my form5 boys Civics? or should I just play some light games with them/ask them thought-provoking questions to allow them to release pre-spm tension. Hmm. 

Teaching practical aside, I guess so far I'm coping. I'm used to sleeping and waking up early. Whenever I go into a stationary shop and I see something interesting, I have the instinct to buy for my students. They're on my mind 24/7 I tell you. Why? -.- Am I starting to care? (I think so). Am I starting to form a bond with them? (I think so too).

When I think ahead of my last day of practical, I start to feel sad and mushy already. Is this what every trainee teacher has to go through? Or they happily leave their training place and their kids. I hope I don't cry on my last day haha. The boys wouldn't know how to react. 

week 4

I noticed my recent blog posts are all about school and practical. Oh well.. that's how it's gona be for the next 6 weeks. Anyway so week 4 has passed, and I've grown to like my form 4 Eng class more. Now that I look back, I am pretty glad I got this class because although majority may think they're naughty boys, they actually listen to me most of the time and this week they were pretty responsive.

Many have this perception that the last few classes are rowdy, rude, have no mannerisms and clearly have no heart at all for love and care. but maybe there is a deeper problem; broken families and less care from parents. And the kids are the victims :( do you also know that the best classes may be arrogant and also pretty disrespectful because they think they are smarter than their teachers? there's pros and cons to both la to be fair.

For my class, i think the ice has broken and most of my students are comfortable around me and vice versa. A small part in me does a mini-jump everytime my students take the initiative to say 'Hi teacher!' when they passed by me in the walkway, or like today when I was relieving a class and they greeted me from afar. aww.

I guess I got this class to teach me to be more loving, less judgemental and more patient.

And after 4 weeks, I am growing more attached to my students. I finally see that they're gems hidden and buried so deep that it took me a month to dig it out. I'm glad I realized it now and will definitely miss them when I end my practical :(((

As I enter fourth week of teaching practice, I'm starting to get used to the lifestyle already. (but that doesn't mean I like it). But good news is, I am starting to like my form 4 english class bit by bit. I think it's more of getting used to them, and when you get used to them, you develop a sense of "like" for them and also numbness too if they make me sad or angry. 

I hope I'll like this form 4 class like how I like my F5 sivics class. I think it is possible. woot.. btw, just 30days of teaching left! YES. then i can be friends with my students instead of being a teacher

Keep going!

There's this particular class that I am starting to be very attached to. It's not my main English class but I'm teaching them Sivics Form 5. Yup, you heard that right. F5. They're such fun boys to teach, and I wish I could be their friend instead of their teacher -.- This applies to all the classes; I wish I were their friend instead of their teacher. Anyway, this F5 class is much easier to handle because i) they're the oldest in the school so hence they are more matured than the rest, ii) I can talk to them normally like how I talk to most of my youth in church.. means they're pretty capable of grasping my sarcastic jokes and comments, and iii) when I talk, they listen and they respond enthusiastically.

These students are becoming one of the few reasons that keep me going in my 6-week practical. They're fun and joyous to be around with :) They're gems hidden in the midst of rocks and stones that took me 2 weeks to realize. I hope my English class will be a gem too... but I haven't discovered it yet ... :( :(