perfection is unattainable

August is here, and in no time i'll be in uni ;-) argh big big steps, but I can't avoid it. Although i prefer to stay where I am right now, it's time to rise up and leave my comfort zone! Big things coming my way. I can so tell, 'cause I can feel the vibes. Uni will be a whole different thing, and juggling other commitments as well will be a challenge. But wait, maybe it's not all doom and gloom. Maybe the other commitments won't clash with uni! maybe i'll be able to balance them :)

Gotta have some positive attitude here. woot. 1 more month and 3 days to go! And i'll be in UM. lotsa things to do like medical check-up, open a bank account etc... blehh..

and and christmas is comingz. Meh.

tralala lala la la.

unheard opinions

The more parents try to protect you, the more you rebel. Uh huh. they've got to let me breathe, man. Sooner or later you(especially my dad) have to

1) let me DRIVE on my own (eventhough I'm a wee bit scared coz haven't been driving lately) before the fear of driving intensify and *smack, whaddaya know, 30years old me and still can't drive. And stop giving excuses that oh I have to baiki my attitude first before I drive and all that nonsense. Come on la.

2) chill on the curfews, especially with church mates. Really. Go for meeting also got curfew. And I can tell that they dont wana pick me up so late because... I have no idea. Never asked, never will. Then why not let me drive la deiii

In a way I'm so glad I'm going to uni AND staying in campus for the first year. No more hawk-eye staring from dad, which is what I need. It's time that I voice out my opinions and my rights to my own freedom (as long as it doesn't go overboard).

Sometimes, the overprotectiveness can be pretty overwhelming you know. Can't they see it from MY perspective? YA i know you care for my safety, thanks. I do appreciate it. BUT, how long can you do this? You've been 'protecting' me for 20 freaking years man, and I'm sorry I have to put my foot down now, because I'm ENTITLED to my own personal space, and freedom, and decisions.

You 'protected' me so much until, now at 20, I'm still so naive, so blur, so innocent, because I was inadvertently prevented from making MY own decisions/having MY own personal space/freedom. That's the setback of being too overprotective. And suddenly, at 20, there're responsibilities being shoved at my face and sometimes I get buried under them, because of what? You la what else.

You didn't realize that by protecting me so much you prevented me from being independent.

I'm tired.

bend at the end of the road

I got muh pay today! I'm going to belanja parents to a good dinner and buy other essentials that I need; a nice dress, some more ballet flats, a new purse and handbag. :-) CONSUMERISM. Bad bad. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. OH MAN.

On a different note, I enjoy going lunches/dinners with the closest friends, people whom you feel comfortable with, who know what's going on in your life...basically people who care for you and whom you care about lah. :) There's so much to be shared over a plate of spaghetti or whatnot, and it gives me the tingles in my heart when we laugh or share a joke, recalled back ol times etc. Funfunfun. Me likey. i feel like organising a dinner.

This is a random post. boo.

I watched Captain America before it comes out officially to the cinema HAHAHA cool right. Perks of working in a social media company.

This post does not have a flow whatsoever. I'm blogging whatever comes to my mind.

uni's coming, christmas' coming, preparation for xmas' coming, meeting's coming, haircut's coming, playing this sunday's coming, dinner with best friend's coming. Oo la la.

I've been reading my 2011 blog posts and 90% of them were about my stepping out of my comfort zone!!! Wow. That must be an issue for me until I blog about it so often. Which, obviously it is.

so far, so good.

I took a look at the fat mail UM sent to me; a booklet with forms to fill in i.e. medical reports/personal info, a pamphlet about the do's and don'ts and a long list of things I have to do before I enter. At one point I got paralyzed by fear, by the amount of stuff I need to get it done and it was quite scary haha.

So I took a different tactic - which is to approach this getting-certs-and-medical-reports-andwhatnot-thingamajig with a calm mind. Take deep breaths too. And have a tub of icecream in your hand.

I have a feeling a lot of things are going to change this year, things that will push me out of my boundaries and comfort zone, things that will make me try and do new stuff, things that will test my level of confidence, things that will change me. :-)

And of course I'm scared. I'm resistant to change. I like complacency.

I'm like a bowl of water that doesn't want to be stirred or thrown into the sea or being put in a bottle and shaken vigorously.

So.... it's time for me to change.

awakening

These few days I've been thinking a lot about my acceptance into uni, and how I'm unable to accept certain things about myself. I'm in denial, yep. I realized I have a slight problem at facing the truth. :)

One friend of mine, whom I just got to know a lot better this year said something about me that is straightforward and direct. When he said it to my face it was like a blow, like someone just slapped me, and I was telling myself, wth did you just say that?? but what he said was true, very true. it's just that no one, none of my friends ever told me that before. Ever.

So it was hard to take it in at first, and I still struggle to accept it (DENIAL). Then I had a talk with the best friend and she said the only thing to do is to take it in, and change. Simple. Change. It takes a lot of guts and courage to do that. I'll have to really step out from where I am now, my own comfort zone into something new and different. It'll be hard. But I guess sooner or later I definitely have to do it. =/

I don't blame him for telling me that, and I never will. Because all he wants is for me to improve, to be a ... better person. Cliche as it sounds, it's true. Besides, he's one of those very few who can give good, solid advice. I guess God brought this friend into my life to pour freezing cold water on me, feed me chili padi, slap me in the face so that I'll be awake and aware of the things about myself that I'm in denial.

Second thoughts & fear.

And so I got into UM in tesl.

PTL for His grace

your dirt, it's out

FYI, never call your child stupid in front of him/her. I will never do that to my child. Do you know that by doing so you can actually cause a lot of damage? The child will think his parents think he's stupid. His confidence will be damaged.

Who in their right minds call their child stupid? Like I said, I will never, under any circumstances, say that to my child. Ever. What a bad example I'll be setting to my kid.

That's why some parents need to go for some parenting classes to actually learn what to say in front of their children. No matter how old the child is, he should never hear his parents calling him stupid. That's really degrading and wrong.

Juices

Ten things :

1) I'm about to find out which university I'll enter tomorrow. Big big milestone in my life, I know.

2) I'm pretty excited and scared about it. Excited because of all the good things that will come and scared because of all the hardship and lessons and painful experiences that's bound to happen.

3) But in all that it's going to be a cool and eye-opening ride that God has planned for me. Thinking about it and which uni I'll go to makes me nervous already.

4) Had breakfast of roti canai with dad today before heading work. 'Twas a good way of starting the day off. Wished my mum and bro would join us, then the breakfast would be complete (:

5) I still gotta improve my driving skills heh. Out of 10, it's probably a 3. And my P License is expiring this month, which means technically I'm a Legal driver woot. But how can a legal driver like me not know how to park properly :P

6) I'm pretty contented with life at the mo, with no rough waves YET. Uni will be a whole new different experience though.

7) Pretty excited about how this year's Christmas will turn out. My first time planning and being in the committee pushes me outta my comfort zone. Life is not about complacency and chilling in your own zone. Gotta get used to that

8) I finally went to the beach after so long. Very very nice, PD beach. Albeit not as clean as other beaches, but still sufficient for me.

9) Still thinking about my uni placement. =/ Argh.

10) Everything's all good.

flashback

went out with my high school mates yest to Tony Romas and it was good. I liked catching up with them, especially Irfan. We were tight as friends in form2-5 :) haven't seen him for 2years straight! So it was nice to see him again. He sent me back too since sar, fel and the rest went for karaoke which I couldn't coz i gota be back by 11pm and i have work the next day. sar and fel=crazy bunch. me likey them.

when are we hanging out, Zwei/miss busy??? :P

I love beaches. and the sea.

deep in the valley

I don't understand why do they have to make such a big fuss out of it. It's only a bbq at night after work. It's not like I'm going with unknown people also. In fact, they are the ones whom I feel safe with and I trust them la. But whatever it is, ultimately I have the freedom to think and choose and make a choice whether to go or not, and I'm going. It's time to allow me to make decisions on my own woot! I appreciate your concern for my safety and you want to prevent me from going everywhere, but how long can you do that? Uni's coming, and if I stay in campus you can't monitor me at all.

So all I need from you is to trust me. =) Is that so darn hard to do?

highlights of 2011

Back from PD company trip. :-) finally, my first trip that is NOT a youth camp. Tee hee. I'm not implying anything if that's what you're thinking.

It was good, i got to know my colleagues a lot better, went to the beach (the highlight of the whole trip), played football on sand and Mafia and Cranium and had nice food. Who would have thought that playing Mafia with these bunch can be so crazy and noisy tsk tsk. 20-30something years old people still have lotsa energy! woot.

And, um, I think I must have ate some kind of seafood and now I'm having a slight allergy. Skin's all itchy and red and blotchy. What did I ate??? Argh. Must be the very tasty fried prawns or the pumpkin cooked with salted egg. YA THE PUMPKIN MUST BE THE CULPRIT! I think. :(

I think I'm liking 2011. Very happening year, with a lot of surprises and changes. :-) I'm blessed to be in a company with nice people and a good boss. Learnt banyak from them.

The moon.

is awesome. and responsible. Yup very random. kthxbai