Post-xmas; Praise God for a wonderful celebration yesterday and for guiding us in every step in this journey. 

(Pictures courtesy of Uncle A on fb):

Overall it was a fun experience leading the choir, albeit stressful at times. I definitely had fun, especially correcting people's wrongly sung notes heheh jk ;) 

My ex-yf student made me a lovely handmade bag!! like, wow.. i was not expecting that at all. The thought and time and effort put into making that bag melts my heart.

exquisitely done with much precision and talent. love this

three pouches to put my handphone, car keys and powerbank!!! She knows my needs haha.

happy post-xmas everyone. I hope your xmas was meaningful :)

Gosh i'm on a roll in blogging. apa jadi, dont know. maybe because I realized I have 500-1k words left to write for my assignment and so this is like taking a break from it. -.-

recently i attended my youth yf camp not as a participant but as a teacher. Big responsibility as it is challenging in so many ways. you're dealing with young lives here and not just work and paper. but it is also rewarding when you notice your students discovering their relationship with their Creator, or when they say a simple 'thank you for being there' etc. neways... here are some pix from camp, stolen from fb:

the cast and crew.

the group of students tht me and a few others had the privilege of teaching. so young, so many ideas, so much energy and so much potential.

with the student committee

btw t-minus 5 days left til xmas!!!!

Finally the moment has arrived. I went for Star Wars and beyond - the orchestra. Was blown away! it was so surreal and spectacular to listen to live music, more so from an orchestra. Malaysia's own orchestra. They're good, very good. 

The last time I was at dewan filharmonik petronas was back in ... 2008. I caught Harry Connick Junior and his jazz band live before he became famous on American Idol. Lol. So when I went back to the hall again yesterday, it was pretty nostalgic. The staircase, the green carpet, the open space was exactly how I remembered it. 

STAR WARS. have you ever wonder, 'why star wars?' are the stars really at war? 

before 

after

with the parents and sister of a talented bassoonist I got the pleasure of knowing. say cheeze

Music played a huge part in my life; learning classical music, going to piano exams in hotels, performing in front of students' parents, learning to play by ear and then playing all my fav songs on piano, serving in the music ministry but most importantly, an outlet for me to express my emotions.

Oh what would I do without music running thru my veins... am eternally thankful to my Creator for this wondrous gift.

Grinch mode - on. 

Recently I was stunned with the latest news of my beloved tanah airku. There are so many questions not addressed as to why it should be implemented.

 I'm reminded of a book I read long ago, "1984" by George Orwell. 

It's about a "negative utopia" - a country that reveres the Big Brother aka the iron fist ruler and anyone who goes against him will be - you got that right - shot, executed, terminated, kaboosh. 

 "It reeks of contempt for the democratic process".

I thus vow to be part of the Change of winds in 2018, and in the many more change of winds to come. 

Ini kali lah... hopefully. 

It's a month away to Christmas and I haven't shopped for any presents yet T.T I need to find time and $$$. Anyway lookie here:

A present from a close friend, beautifully wrapped with a Star Wars bookmark. I'm not a fan of the saga but still, that tagline is pretty ingenious. 

This is what's underneath the wrapping:

I've read Pratchett & Gaiman before and I loved their style of writing; witty, sarcastic and full of subtle meanings that I enjoyed discovering. This present was given by a person with a masters degree in creative writing, so I trust her fully that this must have been an excellent read. It's about the coming of Rapture and how someone's misplaced the anti-christ. LoL. On a side note, masters in creative writing?? Wow. That must've been hard but enriching at the same time. 

Anyway... it's already the end of Nov and then Dec and then 2015 ends. What are the things to be thankful for? What are the mistakes, disappointments etc to reflect back on? I always make it a point on 31st Dec of every year to journal down the good and the bad stuff that has happened every year and what are the things I look forward to in the coming year and how I see God in my life. It's good to take time to reflect back to learn and to grow. 

Have a good pre-weekend :)

*gushes 'thank you' and smiles sincerely*

and ya know what, he smiled back too lol.

omg i have so much work and amendments to do, deadline next week, things to settle grr. I hope I can have the discipline to stay on track and to have good time management.

And all in the good name of learning. Meh.

Honestly I can't imagine 2015 is going to end!!! Like huh 10 months passed just like that?? And next year I'll be 1/4 of a 100. =.= 5 more years til the big three-oh. Haiz... for me, adulthood hit the hardest during tht few months before graduation. and even after graduation too. I realized that things are going to be so different. I also realized I'm very lazy and reluctant to meet new people lol. Introversion kicking in too fast. 

Xmas is coming soon, choir is prepping their best, deadlines are approaching for my masters' assignments and honestly I wish there is more than 24 hours per day T.T 

Busy busy, ttfn. enjoy your Novemberr

tee hee. Take it with a pinch of salt. Life goes on, people move on and that's ok, because I move on too =) 

Graduated!

So I'm officially a graduate from undergrad studies yay! 4 long years ok. Finally it is finished :) Here are some pics I took and some I got from fb:

this is such a happy picture. One of my favourite pictures so far. So glad to have taken it with Gan and cute ai vee! Will miss her sweetness and cheerfulness.

Yay one with Mel & Pearl! It was right after we exited the hall and there were so many people. But this pic looked really good :) Happy to have this picture as a memory to keep. 

My own portrait in front of the hall before the crowd comes. 

Orchid flowers that my mum bought for me :) I owe this to my parents and brother for their support and tremendous help. 

With Gan..You came all this way to KL and it was good to have met up with you twice before our convocation. Thank you for making time to meet and sacrificing your sleep to wake up super early on a weekend. Sadly our sacrifice of time in waking up early for a mulagan gathering failed. We were disappointed. I still remember we had to hide our disappointment and just carry on with it. Lol. Luckily I did manage to meet Gan before convocation because after convo there is no way we will meet again as we'll go our separate ways. 

with dear Bahbah. Will miss you!

 The atmosphere in the hall. Twas such fun sitting next to Cherie, ai vee and the clown Adli as we did some quick catching up on what we've been up to.

No pictures with parents yet because we went to a studio to take one and I guess it's still being developed. No pictures with most of my coursemates too like nads, wendy, wana, grace etc. because outside DTC it was such havoc and so many people that right after some pictures taken :(  

Cheers to graduation, cheers to the memories made in uni with friends. Thank and praise God for all that has happened! 

saw my friend's tweet and it's the funniest thing I've seen today bahaha. Can't post on fb because I have some friends who're still single and they'd probably be offended by this. 

maybe when I hit 30s and am still single then this ain't so funny anymore. 

Nowadays I'm quite bad at making small talk, especially when I meet new people :S We'll talk for a while and then silence =.= and then talk again and then *crickets*. But eventhough I'm bad I still try to come up with conversation topics. Hm maybe it's an introvert thing. The world generally favours extroverts because they're more fun and boisterous.

We introverts can be fun too in our own space and time. It's just that the world has a general perception that introverts are boring and quiet. And it's because of their warped thinking and lack of acceptance, some introverts think that they're not accepted and may even tilt towards self-blame. Aiya everyone has their pros and cons and extroverts are no exception too.

So just embrace your uniqueness and your quirky habits, even if you can't make small talk at all :) 

anyway lookie here haha:

Random thought processes:

I need to pull up my socks in order to catch up

I can't wait to graduate

Priorities should be set straight

I need good time management

Amazed at my church friend's dogs - very very smart and wise

Friends who need to learn to think on their own and not depend on me on everything. yeap right down to the smallest of details also mau cari saya. How to grow up like that

I would like to have indian rojak and musang king ice cream!!

Ok, thought processes end here. Ttfn

the day we saw red

The day we saw red

fear was thick in the air

together with anger and hatred

many felt things were unfair.

The day we saw red

hopelessness hung in the air

a man was found dead

warning the swords of justice to beware.

The day we saw red

was a celebration of unity

but some felt they were too thoroughbred

and denounced the rest of the community.

The day we saw red

some hoped for peace

and to greener grass have fled

who will help this conflict cease?

The above was beautifully and aptly penned by my good friend, Al. It struck too many right notes of the reality I'm in. We're stuck in this big sticky web of selfishness, self-righteousness and greed and the ones at the fringes, the ones who had nothing to do with spinning the web are caught in it as well.

Injustice is as injustice can be.

i haven't been religiously drinking coffee every morning for a month+ and I thought I would have terrible withdrawal symptoms but surprisingly, no I didnt have any. It was as though my body was as per normal as it was. In fact, it was much better as I found myself to be more genuinely productive, meaning I had the intention tht derived from my own will to do stuff rather than on caffeine that pumps my adrenaline level to be productive.

I only drink coffee when I'm super sleepy and then that helps. And also when I go out with friends. That's about it. But on a daily basis, nahh. I'm happy I got to quit my 'addiction' haha. Besides, too much coffee is heaty. And erm prolly can get you addicted on caffeine and psycho your thoughts that you'll never be able to quit taking caffeine.

On a different note, I'm excited and scared to embark on my new journey in my alma mater. It'll be a totally new ball game altogether that requires a much higher level of critical thinking. :( ah well, nothing is easy in life. I was looking for a quick and easy shortcut but no such thing. Life after undergrad is tough with decisions to make. Either you want to follow whatever your buddies are doing, be in the same gang again and let their choices influence your decision or you want to break out from that and learn to think on your own two feet. Ultimately it's your choice.

neways... graduation is comin real soon!! Wooo excited to wear the robes, to see my coursemates again, to walk on the stage with d very bersih yellow carpet and to make my parents n bro proud when I receive the scroll. I keep replaying these in my mind haha so crazy. One only graduates once in their lives from their bachelor's degree. 

may the force be with you

Recently I asked one of the youth in my church on when is his next orchestra performance since I didn't go for the last one, and he mentioned he'll be in this production:

I immediately jumped at this chance and told my bro who happened to be a Star wars geek. So yesterday we booked ourselves two tickets to see this!!! Finally, after a while of not seeing a live orchestra since secondary school, I'm going to re-live it again come Dec. Excited!!!! Excited to go to Dewan filharmonic & soak in the atmosphere and also support this talented youth who is a bassoonist in the ensemble.

the people i meet

Once in a while, I do think about my students and wonder how're they doing right now. It's been a year since my teaching practicum and i cant believe I even did it. My students are Form 5 already facing their biggest exam yet. I hope they'll take their studies seriously because they're still playful and innocent. Playful but with no mean intentions. Carefree and hyperactive. Pn Helen told me that they have so much energy pent up in them that one fine day she will let them out in the field to run etc to drain their energy. Good suggestion indeed.

Although my students and I don't keep in touch now, I'll never forget who they are. You can never forget your first bunch of students wan. speaking of my students, I wana blog about this truly amazing lady who passed away a year ago. she was my church friend's mum and was the ex-pengetua of the school i did practicum with. During her wake service last year, I was present for both days as I was the pianist. And although I didnt really know her very well before that, I was immensely moved by the life she lived when i heard her friends/colleagues/families give testimonies on her life. It made a huge impact on me and from last year Aug til now, I do think of her testimony from time to time.

tell me, which pengetua would visit a student from a very broken family and clean up his very very messy dilapidated house together with her sons? And which pengetua would take in a form 6 student from a broken family to stay in her own house for weeks just because he has many family problems tht made him lose focus on his studies? And this student slept in one of her son's rooms while the son slept on the living room couch. Such genuine love for the broken-hearted. The testimonies her other friends/colleagues gave had one thing in common: her resolution, generosity, sincere care and her unwavering  faith in God.

Thank you, aunt M.E. for your living testimony and the full life you've lived. In those 2 days, your testimony has changed my life forever. It points me back to the basis of your selfless love which is from God and is a constant reminder to me to be generous, to give more, to open my heart for the broken and to love my Creator with all my heart and obey His commands like how you did so faithfully. 

there is a time for everything

I'm all for cleanliness definitely, but I'm not sure if I support the upcoming one. What does it hope to achieve? Will things change even after that? now is not even the election season to stand for transparency. Also, what use will it be if a mass rally for the cause of a stable economy? instead, it will cause more instability (surprise, surprise) in one's country and that's the last thing we need on our list right now with the recent 1 em-di-bee fiasco and our ringgit hitting an all-time low. The only thing it will achieve is unnecessary bad press, street brawls and injured people.

If you wish to participate, by all means go forth, but remember to refrain from retaliating when someone hurts you physically. Because you're there to stand for your cause and for what you believe in and you're prepared to get hurt even, but don't let your emotions override your common sense to inflict pain on other people just 'cause you're hurt. 

You may not agree with me, that's fine, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Agree to disagree. I just hope that other practical and sensible things could be done instead of just this that will lead to... nowhere basically. 

Recently, I met up with my ex-church committee members of the music ministry over dinner & durian at boss' place and since my blog lack pictures and my life has been uninteresting so far, here are some. The meet was more like a reunion with the old committee and I gotta say it was lotsss of fun and nonsense talk, now that we don't have to discuss about church work haha.

sweet & sour crabs that explodes in your mouth. Gosh I haven't had crabs in the longest time!

Squid fried with salted egg. I love anything fried with salted egg

Spicy fried porky yum

my favourite ex-crew, missing Joseph!

budak2 cina, one penganggur, one Canadian student, one working adult.

and then, musang king at tim's place. his treat! and dinner also.

When the clock struck 12, jenna baked a surprise cake for tims to celebrate his bday. and where got ppl pose for picture like that wan?!

mau bunuh siape? 

this ministry was the first I've ever served in and it was where I've learnt so much from them and their relationship with our Creator. Things are different now but I guess change is necessary and inevitable for both sides. No matter far or near, we'll still be in touch through whatsapp i'm sure. 

p/s: I still cant stop raving about the Archive chat tab in whatsapp. So effective in keeping my whatsapp clean and less messy with all the whatsapp groups. 

mum

Blogging from phone again. It's so convenient when I'm lazy to open my laptop.

I had a nice one to one chat with my mum today about her childhood, the struggles she faced and how it has made her stronger to be who she is today.

She has guided and brought me up to who I am today, teaching me so so many things and how to do this and that and wht I should look out for etc. I can't even begin with the sacrifices she's made because they're too many a debt that I can never repay.

I strive to emulate her intelligence, courage, resilience and resourcefulness as I grow older yearly and  I hope as much to age gracefully like how she does.

Thankful to God for such amazing parents that I don't deserve. #latenightthoughts

For once, I chose the path tht I'll be walking in, with full support from parents of course. I feel unsure, afraid, doubtful, but their encouragement keeps me grounded. The path may be winding and gloomy with rocks, insects and dampness, but there is also warmth from the sun, beauty in the trees and welcomed silence for your thoughts to be free. 

Decided to change my blog title to Be Still to remind me to be still and listen. 'bridge of faith' is so yesterday already haha. new times, new changes, new blog title. 

Yes to the above.

This cat is the purrfect soft toy to be placed in a car. Credits to Wen for posting this on fb a while back.

Of random fluff

Hello..blogging from my blog app on phone. Feels like typing a message.

I thank Android for the tab of 'Archive Chats' tht i just discovered on whatsapp. Seriously I have way too many whtsap groups on my phone (27 groups altogether omg) so I archive unimportant ones to make my whatsapp less messy. So effective, makes me happy! Sooner or later some will be deleted coz too much unnecessary space taken up.

Late night thoughts led me to count the number of days uni has ended. 1 month 16 days. What am I doing with my life? Few have taken the unconventional road to take a break year to do some soul-searching. If I do that I will be skinned alive by parents. But whatever plans I have I always discuss it out with them and most of the time their solid advice  puts my feet back on the ground.

Perhaps I need to reset my mindset from get busy bummin' to get busy livin'. Tweak here and there.. rest a bit.. tweak some more. Talk with people, read up, rest, share, look up internet, rest. So many 'rests' in this sentence I can't part with it.

stand up

This matters. 

A friend once told me that if a person doesn't vote, he/she has no right to complain about our country. 

He's right. One has no right to complain if one does not do anything to change the situation. 

I registered as a voter in my uni's post office on my 21st birthday. I remember walking to KPS building alone and after I came out from the post office, I just felt a sense of pride and awe as I'll be one of the many to represent hope for a change.

So please, if you haven't, take the initiative to go to the nearest post office and say, "saya nak register untuk general election". How easy is that???

Holidays have made me become so lazy to the point where I dont reply messages on whatsapp because my fingers cry foul from slaving their limbs typing away. Hehe. I think it's ok not to chat daily because sooner or later we'll move on in life to new things and new people and would only chat once in a blue moon or - i'm not surprised - none at all. But thing is, when we meet again, everything will fall back into place just like ol' times. That's how it is, at least in my opinion.

Gan said that as he ages, he becomes more mellow. I agree to that actually. I don't find certain things funny anymore, my tolerance for childishness is thinning sigh and I rarely find any interest in empty talk. But then sometimes I do make an exception la haha to reconnect with youth. Last time in high school I was so good at making small talk when I meet new people. Now I lost it and thre is awkwardness :( Ah well... with age certain things get lost in between time and space I guess.

her faith is like the wave of an ocean. 

Sometimes it rides up and down vigorously during a terrible storm with brute force and anger that could devour any unfortunate boat sailing on it. Sometimes when the air is still and humid, it remains stagnant... unmoving... lifeless. On a good day, gentle tufts of waves can be seen softly overlapping each other in rhythm. 

One thing remained constant; its colour; a deep blue hue that could hold your gaze and take your breath away. Sometimes you even ponder on Its existence and how It came to pass. Its intensity can so overwhelming that It always leaves you in awe, reverence and in fear. 

That's what makes an ocean so special and worth believing for. 

Everything was wrong that day. 

Her alarm was not functioning, her favourite jeans still not dry from yesterday's wash and she was late for class. Hurriedly, she splashed water on her face, threw on whatever clothes she could find, grab her car keys and sped off to her car. 

Insert key, turn on ignition, shift gear to 'Drive' and step on gas. Hard. 

That was what she did before the crash. 

Oh yes, that crash.

The one where two cars from opposite directions collided.

Banged. Flipped. Skidded. Thrown out. Splattered.

She - late for class. 

Them - driving back from a friend's wedding.

She - alone.

Them - father, mother, son.

She - suffered a broken ribcage.

Them - heaved their last breath two hours later.

Everything was wrong that day.

-T.M.-

life is for living

Alas, my final semester's result is out and praise God, all As with one A-. My aim to graduate with second class upper has come true with 3.6 on the dot!!! I was so happy when I saw the results. Wohoo PTL. Although I didn't get first class honours, 2nd upper is all I could strive for and by God's grace I did it. I proved to myself that I can do it.

On a different note, let's have a bit of a no-brainer post: 

here are a few of my Top 3 favourite things (feel free to do it too and alter it):

1) animated movies: Tangled, Mulan, Prince of Egypt

2) hobbies: piano, reading, doing nothing

3) tv shows: Grey's anatomy, vampire diaries, true detective

4) ice cream flavours: vanilla, caramel, chocolate (with choc chips)

5) malaysian food (this is hard): roti canai, nasi lemak, char kuay teow

6) music: Coldplay, the weepies, jazz instrumental

7) conversations with people: our lives (struggles, happiness, etc), career, nonsense lol

8) things to do when travelling: snap pics, visit new places, stand and soak it all in

9) happy moments (too many! but let's focus on this year's): my final sem results, 24th bday, when my day goes well

10) things to be thankful for (too many): family, my 4 years in uni, my relationship with my Creator.

That's all for now :)

She had with her a bag full of excuses;

we were all used to that nonsense.

One after another it came

until we told ourselves things will never be the same.

Thrice she stood up,

thrice she covered up.

Thrice we stood waiting,

thrice we left, silently complaining.

Could there be a deeper reason

for her self-seeking treason?

Perhaps she suffers from depression;

oh, what a perfect deception!

What if she has the monthly bloodbath?

Why, that would be right up Vladimir's path!

Or perhaps it's just her lazy bone

that refuses to budge from her self-righteous throne.

-T.M.-

* * *

Wow I never knew rhyming can be such fun. :) Imma do this again, sometime. 

University has ended; a closed chapter. Bittersweet feelings as I close this door. Sweet memories that can only accompany new beginnings, new priorities, new goals.

Cheers, all. All the best in your own future undertakings. Take that leap of faith, take that plunge. 

As my final exam paper approaches that signifies the end of my undergraduate life, I can't help but feel the weight of reality weighing heavily on my shoulders. Things are gona be different after uni. No more spoon-feeding, no more soft-cushioning your fall. I don't know if I'm ready for this but ready or not, the plunge has to be taken anyway.

The path is foggy, but imma just try and see which ball hits the jackpot. Have faith and trust in God who holds my future.

reconnect

Today while driving to church in the morning, I thought casually to myself, "i hope today's service will be meaningful." indirectly I was asking God to say something (?) or give some assurance or direction, particularly in my plans after uni which I have no clue on what to do.

During the sermon, the elder shared timely reminders on loving God, putting Him first and always reconnecting with God because if we don't, we'll drift away in the stream of the world. Then down the line he said "Trust God in your career, your service, etc.. " 

And I knew that that was the reminder & assurance I needed. 

No matter which direction I would choose, all I need to do is to trust Him. 

"when I am afraid, I will trust in you." (Psalm 56:3) 

My brother had this picture (below) on our house desktop wallpaper for months and now I took the initiative to download this. Recently I  finally saw the true colours of a friend who treated me as her 'friend in need' only.I decided not to let anger override me because it ain't worth it man being angry over this issue. Not everyone is a true blue friend. I can accept that and I'm happy to let this one go.

So that was when I remembered this pic. tee hee

Click the picture for better viewing! Hopefully the words can be seen 

Lookie here! I found something on the net: the types of people you meet when doing group assignments. This is interesting. Click to enlarge to see it clearer.

 

 

  

                                                               

and now, ladies and gentlemen, this is me below. All the time:

4 years of the above made my eyes sakit. I'm the resident proofreader in all assignments. But alas, it has come to an end. Not much words can be said, 'cept bring me the finest wine you have and let us celebrate victory over the bondage of grammar errors! *cheers*

So which are you? ;)